| Here we are in the very beginning of the show, I have a notice of mission from our
staff right here. "Notice of mission: How are you, Kimura san? Last time you
tried to fulfill your mission of trying out your English by calling Tower Record in Texas,
they hung up on you because the store had already been closed unfortunately. This time,
you have nothing to worry about. Last time you called them, it was in the late half of the
show. This time we ask you to call right now! Make a phone call to Tower Records in
Texas and ask if they have SMAP's CD in stock. You also have to hit a joke to make them
laugh. We are counting on your English."
Hey this is going to be dangerous. I'm serious. Hey! I'm telling you guys. Why do you
guys do this to me! It's the beginning of the show, so why not play up a song.
This is FM radio, isn't it? Definitely not an AM radio!
(sound of phone calling)
Hey yo, this is not nice. (sound of phone calling continues)
Oh my god, I hate this sound of calling in USA.
(following conversations are actually made in English)
T(Tower Record clerk): Hello, TOWER RECORD. This is Kelly.
How can I help you?
K: Excuse me?
T: TOWER RECORDS. May I help you?
K: Hello.
T: Yes.
K: Do you have a SMAP CD? SMAP, you know.
T: Are you from Japan?
K: Yeah. You know SMAP?
T: No.
K: No!?
T: What can I do for you, sir?
K: Ugh
T: Are you in Japan, right now?
K: Ah-huh
T: Why are you calling all the way over here?
K: It's a Japanese radio program, you know?
T: Are you -- we're on radio?
K: Yeah! Your voice is on radio.
T: All right!
K: Just now!
T: He says I'm on the radio.
K: (back in Japanese) She
says I'm on radio, what am I gonna do?
T: What can I do for you?
K: (in English) Mmm--I want
SMAP's CD.
T: What for?
K: Uh. pops and a -- ( in Japanese) What
kind? What kind of song? ( back in English) Uh, hold on, hold
on. And--
T: Your Eng--
K: SMAP--No, no, no, no, SMAP--
T: Your English isn't very good. You gotta -- you gotta speak
better English to talk to me
K: (in Japanese) Yo yo yo,
better what? No good? Uh, my English is good? I see. (back in
English) Uh, what Japanese artist do you know?
T: What Japanese artist do I know?
K: Yeah, yeah.
T: Loudness
K: Loudness. And?
T: That's it.
K: That's it!? That's it!?
T: James, do you know any Japanese artist?
K: (in Japanese) What are you
asking James for? Hey, don't ask James.
T: (after a while of talking among
clerks) We're closed now, so I gotta let you go, buddy
K: Huh?
T: Tell everybody in Japan that I said hello, OK?
K: (in Japanese) All right
though I don't know. OK.
T: We gotta go 'cos are closed, we're closed.
K: Closed?
T: Yeah.
K: (laughing)
T: It's after midnight; we're closed.
K: Just now?
T: Yes.
K: But your voice is on radio in Japan, just now!
T: Oh, right! Well, uh, do I win a prize?
K: Ah-huh??
T: Do I win any money?
K: OK, finally--uh, listen my, listen to my joke.
T: Ah-huh.
K: OK? (in a low voice) This
call is explode after 5 second.
T: ----- (no reaction at all)
K: (in Japanese) I screwed up.
They're not saying anything. Oh gosh.
T: (after a while of silence)
Good bye, Japanese man.
K: (Bursting into laughter, in English)
Bye-bye.
T: Take care of yourself, Japanese man.
K: Thank you. Bye-bye.
(Program jingle)
Today's opening number, after I had called Texas, is this, "Beautiful Angel"
by Texas.They don't know SMAP at all. Who thought they did?
song: Texas "BEAUTIFUL ANGEL"
All right, this is What's Up SMAP! You have listened to our opening number of
"Beautiful Angel" by Texas. It's such an American style song, but this show
cannot be Americanized. This is in Japan from Hanzomon. (laughing) Sorry.
I tried to make it like a real American program, well, it was just a little difficult.
Well, now. I've been telling you every week, thanks to some listeners' kindness, this
program can be read on internet. Every words, every breaths are written in words, so they
say.
Those transcriptions, I hear Hikaru Utada is reading them. I'm serious. She said the other
day "I have to listen with my own ears next time".
Well, because of their hard work, I started receiving a lot of fax messages and
post cards from overseas. Remember I asked for any "bad rumors of Takuya Kimura from
all around the world"? The outcome of it? It's awesome! I've got so many fax
messages and post cards from many countries. Let me just introduce just a part of numerous
senders.
This one is from New York! Awesome, isn't it? This program must be the most
international one of all the FM-Tokyo programs. Probably more international than the one
of Tatsuro Yamashita. Letﾕs proceed. This is from Tina Li from New York.
And this is from Toronto, Canada. Melody from Canada. Also from Sao Paulo. Wow! This is
from Brazil, the other side of the earth. Nanako and Yu chan from Sao Paulo. And here it
goes! Johannesburg, South Africa. The very city from where they have started their
journey... Pan yau #1, that's right! Pen
name T.B., Ten Brown (spelling not confirmed) from
Johannesburg.
But this is only the part of them. If only I have a world map here and color the cities or
countries from where I've got fax messages from, I wonder if there would be any blank
space left. This makes me so happy, you know.
Hum, I think this is really like an Inter-FM #2,
very cool, isn't it? Well, we might be forced to move again, I mean the show time might
has to be changed again. Do you think it's all right with this show time?
F: What?
K: I'm not kidding. They say we will have to move.
F: Huh?
K: This time it's not gonna be Sundays. Did you hear?
F: A sort of.
K: A sort of?
F: Been a long time (laughing).
K: Right. We will have to move again.
F: But I'm going to stay right here (laughing).
K: OK, OK. Good luck, budy.
F: Oh yeah.
K: You've gotta say what you gotta say.
F: What I've gotta say (laughing).
K: Say "I'm gonna stay right here!"
F: I'm gonna stay right here. Don't you forget that, Mr.
president of this station. (sound of slapping) Ouch! It
hurts!
K: (laughing) That was good!
(Program jingle)
So you are listening to the program which is being read throughout the world on
internet.
Can I just interrupt it with my personal business a little bit?
You know "Pu Sma", the TV program in which my buddy Tsuyoshi's doing. They have
a segment called "Kusanagi....", no, what was it, oh yes, "Nagian
Roulette". They ask people walking by to try to write the Chinese letter
"nagi", and if they fail to write it properly, Tsuyoshi gets a pie in his face.
I appeared in that program the other day, in the "Pu Sma Special". And they did
"Takuyan Roulette". They show the three Chinese letters of "Kimura
Taku" and leave the blank space for "Ya", and I chose some people walking
by. The outcome is, none could write "Ya" properly.
Then I stopped a woman, mother with a child, and asked, "Excuse me, could you lend
the hand" and the woman seemed to be surprised a lot and acting strangely saying
"Wowww". I asked her to participate in the program, and she said, "All
right", and the moment she saw the three letters and a blank space, she said "I
know", and in mere five seconds, she wrote "Ya" of wrong letter. That was
on the Crossing in Hiroo and I had to have a pie in my face. Then we moved to Harajuku in
front of Hanae Mori Building, we found two girls and asked them to try "Takuyan
Roulette". What do you think they wrote? One of them said "Ah, I just have to
write Ya, OK" and wrote a letter of "Yumi". It's not at all close to any
kind of "Ya". What the hell do you think you'd call it Ya anyway? It would be
more understandable if she wrote "Ya" of an arrow. The moment after I said
"Are you out of your mind?" and I got a pie in my face, in the center of
Harajuku. I realized this time how little people know me as "Takuya Kimura". I
was truly disappointed to know people accept "Kimutaku" instead of "Takuya
Kimura".
Well, now so much of that. Let's get back on the show. I don't mind getting the other
form of "Pie" #3 in the face
though. Now back to the proper radio show before we get another notice of show time
changes.
Let me read a fax or postcard from overseas.
This is from....Wow! It has picture with it! Need a clearer picture though. This is from
Maryland, the U.S.A., Jackie Stillwaggon. It's a woman named Jackie. Here we go!
THE FIRST MESSAGE OF TODAY: Jackie Stillwaggon form the U.S.A.
"Dear Kimura san,"
K: I tell you why I'm reading like this. She wrote it all in
Romaji. #4
"Dear Kimura san, Good evening! It's my first time, I'm sorry. My Japanese is not
good."
K: Good enough! No problem. She means to say "I'm sorry
my Japanese is not very good". I understand.
"I wrote in Romaji. Sorry. I am, an American".
K: Yes, yes.
"I have blond hair".
K: Wowwww!! (applauding) Nobody
would say things like that. I wouldn't say when I write letters, "I have black
hair". Especially I would't say "I have long hair". This woman, Jackie, has
wrote "I am an American. I have blond hair". Nothing can beat this! I'm getting
to like her, Jackie.
"I have blond hair. This picture is only in black and white. Sorry"
K: She means to say this is black and white image. No problem
at all.
"Kimura san, I like you"
K: (laughing) "I like
you" Yeah! (applauding). I'm acting like a nerd now.
"I think you are a little sexy"
K: Sexy! Thank you.
"Are you embarrassed?"
K: (laughing) Not at all.
"t was fun writing this letter. So long".
K: Oh well, there's a phone number too, starting from
001-1... and beside the number she wrote, "Call me. I'll keep a company". (bursting into laughter) A company of what? Hey Jackie, are you all
right?
This black and white picture will not give me enough to get a feeling of it. I have a
yellow color marker right here, so let me just color her hair like this. She also has a
nice shape. Probably with a big round breast.. and wearing jeans.. her face is small. All
right, quite nice blond hair, isn't it? I also have a blue marker, let her wear a blue eye
shadow. That's cool. Bit like a Play Girl or Play Mate
You know the late night show on satellite channel, with a really old fashioned narration
like "when a man meets a woman, time just passes away speeding up..." something
like that, oh you know it. The guys around here all watches the show. Did you see the one
last night? Last night was great, really great! I mean it! A guy, a foreigner,
walking, he looks like he's trying to get a ride, with a background music of cool slide
guitar. Then comes silver bus, just like the one in the movie of "Priscilla",
comes along and stops. Inside the bus there's four women with incredible body. The man get
on the bus and becomes the prey of the four women. Ooh, that was really good. I wanna be
the prey too! I like you too. (laughing) Was like this.
Fukushima kun, could you write this number down for me.
So this kind of faxes are really dangerous. (breathing)
Such a nice program it has become, don't you think?
By the way, I got a really cool cigarette lighter recently. It has an image of a foreign
man and a woman making love. Well, of course, the very parts are covered with black things
so that little children would not wonder and ask "Wow, what is this?". However,
if you rub it with your fingers, you will see something.... I got it in Hawaii recently.
When I rubbed it with my fingers, I thought I have no chance of winning with foreigners.
I'm no kidding, theirs are so..so..incredible. But I wouldnﾕt compete in sizes. I tell
you. You know, sometimes machine guns are far more effective than a single fire of
bazooka. That's the way it goes.
And why I brought this here, because I realized that I don't have anything from Hawaii
for listeners of this program. This cigarette lighter, the only one I've got, I'm giving
this to you, listeners, as a present. Give me a fuck... no, fax right now to Tokyo (03)
3221-1800. State "I want to rub the lighter". "I want to rub", that's
good. You don't have to say that you want a lighter, just state "I want to rub".
Send a fax saying "to Takuya Kimura's What's Up SMAP, I want to rub", and it is
OK with me. And if it has your name and address, we will send this lighter to you. Don't
forget! Send fax right now!
(Program Jingle)
My head are all occupied with the "I have blond hairs" and "I keep a
company" and all that, so let's just change the subject now.
Let me continue reading fax and cards from all over the world.
TODAY'S SECOND MESSAGE: AKO FROM SACRAMENT CALIFORNIA, THE U.S.A.
"Hello, Takuya kun".
K: Hello,
"I'm sending this fax for the first time because I hear you want faxes from
overseas. I'm a housewife living in Sacrament California, and a big fan of you. My friend,
Hiroko, in Japan always send me videotapes of "SMAP X SMAP" and dramas, concert
live videos, and CD. She even send me tapes of "What's up SMAP" and fill me all
those information regarding you. I am really moved with that buck vaulting by skate
boys".
K: Don't be moved by that!
"What I've got here as a rumor of you is that you may enter Hollywood movie
industries pretty soon. "Long Vacation" was aired here in a cable channel with
English subtitles. Though I have never seen SMAP's CD in Tower Records, but Japanese
bookstores in New York and LA, and San Francisco china town have them in stock. There
should be SMAP fan in America. If you plan to do Hollywood movies, please let us know.
p.s. I want to request a song to my E-mail friend, whom I have never seen yet, Hiroko,
"Duo". Thank you always, from Ako".
K: Wowww! Cool! Sacrament? What is it like? I've never
been to California. #5 I want to go. I want
to go there really.
I have friends there though. They work as assistants in movie making. Oh well, I never
knew "Long Vacation" was aired there in a cable channel, with English subtitles.
And they have rumors, too, about my possible entrance to Hollywood. Could this rumor be
true? Hollywood, they say, Hollywood. It cannot be true, at least for the time being. I
don't think I would go to Hollywood at this point. However, probably I think I may go to
somewhere not Hollywood. This could be a small hint to you. I hope I can announce it
properly maybe in a few months. I will let you know when the time comes.
So let's listen to a song requested from Ako living in Sacramento California dedicated
to her never met friend in Japan, Hiroko, "Duo" by SMAP.
See you next time, this was Takuya Kimura, Peace!
song : "DUO" by SMAP
foot notes
#1 Pan Yau: Two guys, one
is a Japanese actor (unknown then) and
the other is a DJ from Hong Kong, dared to hitch hike from the Cape Hope in South Africa
to way-the-hell-up to the northern end of Scandinavia.
#2 Inter-FM: A rival FM
station in Tokyo.
#3 the other pie: women's
breasts. What else?
#4 Her romaji (Japanese) writing might have been modified slightly during the
process of transcribing in Japanese. There maybe a slight change of nuance again during
the process of translating in English.
#5 He's wrong! He has been
to LA at least.
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